What will it take?
I feel lost tonight. So I've been trying to put things in perspective—to take a few steps back. The way I’m controlling my life currently is doing…what for me? I feel as if I am distracting myself from experiencing myself. It's the 'I’ll start on Monday' mantra, manifested loud and clear daily. What can I do differently?
How can I get myself to just dive off and out instead of just watching from the fringe? I want to swim—I think. But it has never proven itself fun in the past. Or, rather, it hasn’t proven itself worth it.
When you first jump into a pool, it’s cold. And you have a couple of options:
- To immediately get out and rush over to your strewn towel to wrap and warm up.
- Or, you can tread a bit. Wait it out, giving the water enough time to get to know you and then embrace you in its comfortable lukewarm-ness. No more iciness.
Sure, the leap is what gets you. And the immediate shock and discomfort that lingers for just past long enough—it’s not a mere moment but multiple. I guess that’s life. I haven’t allowed myself to stay in the pool long enough to let it embrace me—I’ve run from it just as it was trying to throw its arms around me in a comforting hug. And I've never let it.
And now, looking back, I've only let myself down in the long-run—after many, many rounds of jumping in and scrambling out. How can I get myself to stay in? What will it take?
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