Some of my bad habits...

Compilation posts are fun—both to read and to write. But I never know what to write about. I’m not obsessed with or knowledgable enough about one particular niche topic to write an informative list—unfortunately I’m not coming at you with “The 10 Best States in the US for Motorcyclists,” “50 Ways To Remove a Stubborn Stain,” or “25 Reasons to Incorporate Groundcover into Your Garden.”

I prefer compilation posts that are interesting due to their relatability. Lists of favorites. Wishes. Moments. Quirks. 

Today I’m sharing some of my “bad” habits. We all are guilty of trying to portray ourselves in the best light possible. And this is by no means wrong, as it’s important to recognize and express the good—even the great—that lives within each of us. But everything has an antithesis. And we are complex beings.

I’ve definitely worked hard over the years to develop healthy habits for myself. But there are also many not so healthy habits I have possessed in the past/still possess/have developed recently/etc. that perhaps you can relate to. I don’t even want to call them bad habits, as that’s not what these are—they’re just real habits. 

Sure, I could keep it lighthearted with things like “I drink too much coffee” or “I don’t get enough sleep,” but those are boring and not all that personal. Instead, I’m here to paint myself in a not so perfect light—but, more importantly, in an honest and real light. 

What are some of your real habits?

10 Things I’d Like to Work On:

  1. Being overly-agreeable externally, even when I’m not internally/emotionally on board—subconsciously in an effort to keep things at bay and to be likable. It’s disingenuous and only makes me feel further away from my authentic self in the long-run.
  2. Lying about myself. I did it when I was little, and I find myself doing it still. This definitely applies to situations like lying about my opinion (i.e. when I’m just trying to be agreeable), but I also find myself saying, for example, that I did something when I didn’t. “Yeah, I’ve been there!” It’s me depicting myself in a controlled, concocted way. It’s impulsive and devious, and to this day I’m not quite sure why it happens. I feel guilty. 
  3. Being judgmental of others. I’m overly-judgmental of myself as well, but I'm more bothered by the fact that I find myself having completely uncalled for judgmental thoughts directed toward others as I’m going about life. And I don’t know where these thoughts come from. They feel foreign in my head, as does the judgmental “mean girl” voice that I would never dare voice aloud. But for some reason it remains. I carry that voice with me.
  4. Continuing to pursue and act upon behaviors that are not healthy for me, but justifying the continuation of them because I perhaps see others doing the same. But I know intuitively that my unique human composition is not the same as his/her unique human composition, and thus what’s healthy for him/her may not be healthy for me. But I often let compulsiveness trump logic.
  5. Whining. Complaining. Voicing my frustrations more often than my delights. 
  6. Butting in when others are speaking. Trying to hasten his or her thought, or even finishing his or her thought because I entitledly feel that I have the insight. 
  7. Resisting the truth that self-love is not a thing. Or, at least, I have a tendency to dodge the process of facing the fact that my definition of self-love is warped. Here’s the truth: self-love is not about loving all of yourself, contrary to the term’s language itself. Rather, it’s about accepting yourself—loving in terms of the good, the bad, and the in-between. The whole. I guess this is an important distinction to make whether it involves oneself or not. Love is not about finding perfection; love is not comprehensive, sheer liking of. Rather, love is the beauty and excitement of…toleration. Patience. Acceptance. I know I will never be infatuated with every aspect of myself—it is not possible, nor should it be strived for. Rather, I hope to accept myself and welcome my whole self (including all her scraggly branches).
  8. Comparing myself to others—I’m assuming this would make your top 10 too. It’s not healthy for anyone involved, plus it’s exhausting. 
  9. Avoiding being present. Thinking too far ahead. Fearing feeling.
  10. And lastly: putting way too much emphasis on doing what’s “correct” and not accepting the real. Like these! ^

When most people think of bad habits they think of:

  • Eating when bored
  • Procrastinating
  • Overspending
  • Too much screen time
  • Drinking too much alcohol 
  • Skin-picking
  • Staying up late

etc.

But I think the real “bad habit” is being too hard on yourself for those things exactly. For the real.

Embrace what is—moderation; your truth. And continue moving forward, growing, and learning.

*Thumbnail image source=Pinterest