A Clashing of Desires

  • Craving movement but don’t want to get up?
  • The trying debate between two polish colors at the nail salon.
  • “I want him, but I don’t want to be committed to someone.”

This confrontation with contradiction seems to come up again and again in life. Whether it’s a lack of harmony between the brain and body, head and heart, two voices within the mind, etcetera—finding fluidity when it comes to feeling, thinking, sensing, and desiring can feel impossible.

Like when…

  • We want two things at once.
  • We want one thing and simultaneously don’t want another thing, but the two go together and must not be separated.
  • We don’t want (to do) something but know it’s a must. Or, we want (to do) something and know it’s a must not.

In the end, a choice has to be made. And that’s the hard(est) part. It’s also the nature of life—to face clashing cravings, make choices, and move forward. And then do it again the next time. And the next time. And the next time. 

Because it will keep coming up—repeatedly, we will have to tolerate the clash, problem solve, and chug along. For me, this reality is tough—the reality that I will face these daily dilemmas over and over again throughout the rest of my life, as I feel drained simply after pushing through one desire clash…

But we (or, rather, I) must recognize:

A balance needs to be struck. There are too many “right/wrong” connotations when it comes to the choices we make when a desire clash hits (whether the judgement is coming from others or ourselves). 

For example: one's early morning alarm goes off and it’s a battle—and the yearning to stay in bed conflicts with the understanding that work is in an hour. 

  • The “right” choice: “Get your ass out of bed and get a move on!”

On most days for most individuals, this perhaps is what should happen. But not everyday. And not under all circumstances. And not for all individuals. What do I mean?

Work perhaps isn’t the best example, but I’ll continue to use it anyways. As, no matter what is “at stake,” sometimes we do need to prioritize a desire; our health (be it mental or physical); an instinct; an emotion; etc.

We’re now trickling into a discussion about rigidity. And we’re back to balance.

  • “I want to stay in bed but have to go to work.”
  • “I want the doughnut but shouldn’t eat it.” 
  • “I want to ride the rollercoaster of this thrilling relationship but shouldn’t.”

Sometimes it’s a yes, and sometimes it’s a no. Experiment with yourself and your ability to choose when these desire clashes come up. Sometimes, choose what you know is “right.” 

Perhaps it won’t even be that tough of a choice if you’ve come to terms with the “rightness” of such choice (i.e. just getting out of bed and going to work).

However, also be intuitive. Sometimes, choose what feels right rather than what seems right. Catch up on some sleep. Eat the doughnut. Kiss the boy.

Overtime, through trial and error, you’ll develop a sense of your own choosing capabilities. You’ll get better at creating situations and making decisions that are uniquely “right” for you—hat are uniquely healthy for you. And such trial and error is never going to end—I guess that’s the true nature of life. 

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