"Unlined Paper." You're A Work In Progress.
Written on July 26, 2016
There's no proper way to begin this post, so I'm just going to let my mind run freely. Right now, I don't really know what I'm doing with my life. That being said, I desperately need to organize my life — or so it feels that way. First things first, I'm thinking about unlined paper...Strange, I know. I'm thinking about the fact that unlined paper is challenging for me — perplexing and a bit frustrating. Why?
Truly, without there being lines (when I'm writing something by hand on paper), I notice that I subconsciously create the lines myself...I imagine that such lines are there and, in response, act accordingly. Conformity? Muscle memory? Perfectionism? Adapting to what I think is "right"?
or in my head.
I want to be more free —and I want to be OKAY with being more free (that's the more important part). I want to trust myself (and others) more...and, again, more freely. I want to create without planning, speak without censoring, leap without (...too much) contemplation.
There are so many to-do's in all of our lives.
That being said, I don't want taking care of myself to become one.
But won't it always be one?
My belief is that: it's all about how the given individual approaches "it." Here's a thought...The most successful creators aren't those who are constantly rejecting and bouncing from thing to thing...The best creators are those who are able to look at something familiar — something they see often or regularly —and see newness, different angles and perspectives. Truly, all of us have the ability to use our brain power in such way — it's just a matter of whether or not we're willing to exercise that muscle/exert that energy.
Some other thoughts...
My life is a work in progress. It's cliché, I know — but it's incredibly true. I haven't ever embraced this concept fully. There will always be bullshit. Your to-do list in life will always exist —there will always be chores and undesirable tasks that need to be taken care of — there will always be things that feel challenging. So...why do I always try to challenge this? I shy away from challenges when they're imposed externally, yet I spark them internally whenever the waves surrounding me feel calm (but are not, necessarily).
I started reflecting earlier about how — as a child in English class or when I was writing or drawing on my own — I was only ever content/satisfied when the page was full; when the paper had clearly undergone some wear; when I could feel the ridges of the pen or pencil on the backside of the sheet. How is this relevant? Even then, whatever I did had to be done fully. I've never been one to be content with a half-hearted attempt. I've always been too black or white in terms of my approaches to things...
The page has always had to be either completely blank, bubbling with opportunity and possibility, or completely full, representing perseverance and the ability to finish—fully—what has been started.
As I've gotten older, I've found that I still have this tendency. I'm still uncomfortable when a page isn't fully full — when the positive and negative space is even slightly imbalanced (which is absolutely metaphorical). However, this is both a blessing and a curse...
So the moral of this post? Well, I'm really only talking to myself. However, maybe my words will resonate/have resonated with you too. How do you feel about unlined paper? Unchecked boxes? Pages that are only partially scribbled on?
*Thumbnail image source=Tumblr